Why is it that when you pray for things God loves to
give them to you in ways that at the time don’t make any sense but in the long
run make you such a better person? I’ve always been the girl with the “I want
it now” attitude. If I wanted to try something I’d do it, if I wanted to buy
something I’d buy it. I’ve always tried to take the bull by the horns and make
it my (in lack of better words) bitch. It wasn’t until after I met my husband
that I asked God to help me have more patience. He sure listened!!
After my husband Mike and I met, I knew that I
wanted to marry him. I had prayed while I was in California for God to bring me
the perfect man. I wrote out a list of all the qualities that I wanted in a
husband from his appearance to his favorite places to live. I was very specific
because I was not going to waste my time on another stupid guy that would treat
me like crap. After I met Mike I started to find that he was everything on my
list! I had found my perfect partner in crime but he had A LOT of growing up to
do. Patience
After a full year of him getting his life back on
track, I knew that we needed to take it to the next level. It’s so funny how
some men feel the need to date FOREVER until they are ready to tie the knot. I
know that dating a year and a half really isn’t that long of a time, but I knew
what I wanted and didn’t want to have to wait. I went to four different
weddings in that time frame, each wedding I would cry a little more inside. Patience.
After we decided to get married I didn’t want to
have to wait A WHOLE YEAR before I could live with Michael. I knew that it wasn’t
the most “godly” decision, but I knew what I wanted and wasn’t going to listen
to the little voice inside telling me not to. We found a cute and very crappy
place to move into in Stayton. I wanted to move into these townhomes in Albany (which
is where we live now) but they weren’t going to be ready until July. I didn’t want
to wait eight months so we moved to Stayton!!! I knew our first place wasn’t the
nicest house on the block, but after my mom called me crying saying that I
lived in a “Hell Hole” I knew I had made the wrong decision. Patience.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom. When I was younger I
would dream about how many children I would have, and all the different things
I would teach them. Being a parent seemed like such an amazing opportunity and
I couldn’t wait! When Mike and I found out we were pregnant I was shocked! I
had no idea that unprotected sex could actually lead to a BABY! We were both completely
scared and had no idea how we were going to tell each of our parents (since we
were in the middle of planning our wedding). Due to all the stress of planning
a wedding, moving and trying to work fulltime, I wasn’t listening to my body
and how my baby was doing. I’m not blaming my situation on the loss of our son,
but I do know that it had a lot to do with it. After Quinton died at 26 weeks
my dream of being a mom was suddenly taken away from me. I was heartbroken for
Mike and I, and I felt like I had let not only myself but Mike down. Patience
Now here we are. I’m 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant
and have been having contractions for almost three days now. I’ve been waiting
over a year to be a mom and now it comes down to these next few weeks. I am
scared, annoyed, hurting and a little paranoid, but I know that God will help
me through it. I sometimes forget that he is always with me. That the hands
that formed me and my baby girl, are the ones that have been holding me throughout
these hard times. I can’t wait to one day ask God why. Why did you let some of
these things happen to me? Why did you make me with this personality and then
give me things in my life that you know would annoy the heck out of me? I’m not
sure what he’ll say, but I do know it’ll have to do with learning a little
thing called Patience.
